I reach for the shadows,
fingers stretched towards the darkness
Desiring to draw it around me tightly and disappear into its embrace.
I want to fade away,
to allow this weariness to overtake me
and forget about everything else around me.
I get up, get dressed, and endeavor to simply push through this fog. I’m not strong enough to hide it away this time but I can’t explain exactly what I feel either. I’m not depressed, not really, but I rest on the border of “done”. I’ve walked in depression’s valleys before and this is different somehow.
I wish I could explain exactly how I am feeling right now but the right words escape me. Right now, it would just sound like I’m fighting a cold or allergies. Maybe you’d say I didn’t sleep well. Though all those may be true, trust me, what I feel is more than just that.
If I can understand what my body is telling me then I’ll explain. I’ll tell you what I need as I realize it. Until then, just be there for me. I’m sure it’s hard for you feeling so helpless. Just please remember one thing, I didn’t choose to feel this way but I’m choosing to never give up.