Behold! The match is drawn and struck. The spark is made and the flame ignites, as it moves towards the wick. The fire takes hold and the candle steps into the flow of time.
The candle illumines the stillness and the tasks that lay undone. The restlessness within is revealed in its flickering light. See the one in motion, unable to remain at rest until the body says enough.
Another day, there’s more to do, and so the other end of the candle is found by the flame.
Two steps forward, then three steps back. Falling behind as the pace is increased. Searching for another place a flame can take hold while fearing the time when the candle will break.
The body cries out for rest, but the mind refuses to let go. It wants to but the work is not yet done. It fears the voices that come in the quiet of idleness.
The mind desires stillness but the body cannot remain at rest. The energy within must go somewhere. The tension must be released but there are too many choices and where to begin…
Then, in the blink of an eye, the light from the candle is gone. There is nothing left to burn. The mind still plans as it calls out to the body to remain and let go. Yet, it is drug down into darkness and stillness as the body has nothing left.
The mind lets go at last and descends with the body. It knows it must recharge. If the coming day is to be faced, the wax must cool and the new wick trimmed.
(This was written a few weeks ago around the time I went to the PA Renaissance Faire)
I almost wish I could clone myself today. Then one of me could be home away from almost everyone and the other could be out.
I’m torn between this desire to go out on this beautiful day and go home and hide a away from everyone
I know I should be out but I was yesterday. I know I should enjoy being with others but I was out with others yesterday; (and surrounded by a bunch of strangers).
At least if I could clone myself then the part of me that wants to go out could go out and the other half could stay in.
But then what would I do with myself when the day was done?
Here it is, if you care to read it.
Maybe you’d find it of interest after all; though to me it’s both depressing and frustrating.
Do you want to know of those dreams, desires and hopes I arose with. Would you find more interest in what I accomplished or what was left unfinished?
If you want the first. Find someone else, I’m sorry but that doesn’t matter to me that much. Most of those will repeat tomorrow anyway. It is the unfinished ones that cling to you and refuse to let go. Those are what I think about and wish I could stop.
If you want to read this book I’ve written, please sit down. The volume is long and book one has, drat, I forgot to number the pages; well, it’s a lot.
So maybe tomorrow’s will be shorter but it’s Monday so probably not.
My ears strain to hear the voice no earthly tongue can speak. In the stillness, perhaps I’ll hear an echo.
Of those words of power,
which made something from nothing words that brought life from death, words that could wash away all in a wave of unfathomable force.
I want to hear the voice that knows no single tongue.
Teach me the ancient words long forgotten, from which life springs forth.
I sit here listening for the song that no ear can hear, yet the power it holds could raise the dead.
I sit here waiting for the only voice that truly matters. The voice of the one who knows me completely and accepts me for who I am.
I have to wonder after today. How many times did I misread the signals my body was sending me before today? How often did I wonder why everyone else could sit for what seemed an eternity (in reality was often 30 minutes) and as far as I know be completely engaged. If I stayed focused, as far as everyone else was concerned, it was a struggle most times.
I realized today at church, I started to have second thoughts with the training that was going to occur there. Was I wrong to decide to stay instead of going home? This weekend had a lot of social interaction/involvement going on and little down time.
On Saturday, between my morning event (volunteering with others) and time with my friends in the evening. I did have a short shutdown. My brain just locked for a lack of a better word. I laid down on the bed and did not move for 10-20 minutes. I had things to do. “Up, get up! You can’t just lie there.” I didn’t move much as I wanted to. Then the dog barked and that somehow jolted me out of it somewhat. The few “must do’s” got done but that was it. The feeling carried into the evening as it took a while to engage without feeling it was forced.
So back to that training session. This time I started listening, not to the speaker, but to my body. Discomfort from the eyes, the urge to “move”. Conveniently, our church nursery was unoccupied and dark. Also, a rocking chair is in the room. There, I found the relief I needed.
There I sat, in a rocking chair, rocking, with sunglasses on, and listening to the training session on dealing with drug addiction in the family. There I sat, knowing that I would have been constantly moving, looking at my phone so that I could ignore the lights. Instead, I rocked quietly in the dark, wearing glasses, and listening better than I expected I would.