(This was written a few weeks ago around the time I went to the PA Renaissance Faire)
I almost wish I could clone myself today. Then one of me could be home away from almost everyone and the other could be out.
I’m torn between this desire to go out on this beautiful day and go home and hide a away from everyone
I know I should be out but I was yesterday. I know I should enjoy being with others but I was out with others yesterday; (and surrounded by a bunch of strangers).
At least if I could clone myself then the part of me that wants to go out could go out and the other half could stay in.
But then what would I do with myself when the day was done?
I almost want to ask, but I don’t think I will. It might be okay if I did, but I’m not sure if it’s normal or even what the reaction would be. Yet, here I sit wondering if I offended or upset someone else without realizing it.
All I can base this on is one side of an overheard conversation. It seemed to relate to the work I had volunteered to help with. Nothing was said and no reactions given. So maybe it’s all in my head. Perhaps, that was not the environment I work well in and out felt awkward to the one I was helping.
So I choose not to beat myself up anymore for that time. I choose to forgive myself as well. Most likely, it’s as it usually is, all in my head.